The Challenge – The Perfect Poo


A hottie that gotta potty
Did I just say that?  Yes, yes I did.
Married 3 years :) yes I had UC before we met he is awesome support and I am one of the crazy pants who has had 10+ relationships, so you can have UC and have flirty farty time meeting mr. or ms. hottie without fear, (according to one report, these farts smell like lavender) just wear a big pad and some hooter girl shorts under your under your hot stuff, especially that white dress, in case you poop your pants
more preparation= less stress
Small business owner, friend to many and volunteer twice a week helping kids with school and life and occasionally farting (silence is key)
Can dance and sing like nobody’s business, believes if she tried out for Idol she’d poop her pants
Wants to try out for that reason.

My Symptoms:

I will give the positives and negatives
-Morning dehydration +drinking lots of water to remedy
-I gotta go! frequent, urgent, watery for 3months now +highly motivated
-Weight loss too fast? +Runway model stretch goal weight
-bad tummy pains +no blood
-zombie “need sleep” fatigue just started for 2 days, will it last? maybe or
+ maybe not, dance 3 workout today seemed to help, as did a poo

My Story:

Can I just first say how happy and excited I am to have found this website! Wish it was here when I was diagnosed back in 6th grade, wow worst time ever, but hey it made me stronger. We tried holistic and homeopathy, fresh juicing (yum), a nasty liquid diet of Ensure (bleh!), gunk up my bum :@, then prednisone to sulfasalazine the doctors said I would be on MY WHOLE LIFE, but guess what docs, teenage rebellion vegetarian diet, low stress, herb hippie lifestyle, wowowow enjoyed a 15 year remission with no meds! Yes stress came back when I grew up and here’s something curious, I felt so good for so long I stopped the veggie diet and got a fast food habit (Jack in the Crack, BK, MickeyDs, KFC, CarlJ, Wendys, and the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell all just down the street tyvm). Avoiding trigger foods :popcorn, pizza, deep fried and it still got worse. Tried Chinese herbs, accupuncture, hypnotherapy, something else super woowoo. No dice. Saw Homeopathic Doctor. $300. Ordered bloodwork, watch out comprehensive blood work even in alternative medicine ran $1800 to show I was low in vitamin D (the other things I didn’t understand, der, and it’s all out of pocket $) For the first time in many many years I felt I needed the sulfasalazine again, but this time even it wasn’t working! I found a medical Dr. $160 who ironically UCer too! I thought great, he’ll know what to do! He didn’t, but referred me. Saw a Gastro,$300 told her to give me prednisone and she told me needed new tests first, $3000 to poke around in my butt, I said lady, you should be paying ME (no, I didn’t but she didn’t know the cost of her routine procedure, had to check with the front desk who had to call me back to finally get that price tag, good one tho!) In desperation over my “this is not a covered expense of the health plan” plan, I started to look online and use me brain. Just a couple months ago, looking online for what worked for other peeps I found and started SCD! (yey) Been having diarrhea near every day for 3 months (I know cuz I keepa food and poo journal). Just a month ago found a Naturopath $110 who works with med. drs. if I decide to go get hopped up on more drugs, but for now is just my partner in the search for the perfect poo, accessible and understandable, love her!

For me what causes urgency sometimes is meat (maybe dairy?) and mostly combining foods (surf+turf = meat+grain = BAD DAY), also bad times with scd hard foods especially with scd granola and some seed crackers that looked legal, just too hard right now. I love the muffins, tho! And ha ha love me some bacon, bacon oh the stanky things I would poo for some bacon! Looked into food combining for good digestion, yes! Learning to not drink water with food and eat one thing at a time, or what’s compatable, giving plenty of time to chew and time to digest. Need LOTS of water (more than half my body weight in oz. to avoid dehydration. Finding fresh local fruit to be the best natural stuff for healing, and IMHO, so did God, the Garden of Eden didn’t have jack for supermarkets, no pyramids of grain, good Lord, what did they EAT!? Fruit is good for you! Diarrhea is how the body cleanses itself of all the unnatural stuff in the gut (from food we eat containing crazy combinations of chemical additives, pesticides, GMOs, bleach to kill the bacteria in meat(!)) just learning that one fact about diarrhea helped so much, I don’t fear it, I say bring it on, well haha NO, but my attitude has improved big time, I don’t even care if you agree, ye naysayers, hush it! I’m happy here :) Cool thing too, I don’t get cravings since I went off the sugar, ripe fruit is sweet.

I don’t watch TV, just use the Netflix, so I don’t get commercials telling me to eat bad gut food and then I say I WANT THAT! arghl! drool! Research, research, research it is so empowering, or screw that noise and sleep, sleep, sleep that’s good for you too! And you know you’re gonna have to anyways so laugh it up, eat well and poo, poo, poo, because Lea has a challenge.

I Challenge You to Poo the Perfect Poo!


I have been in the bathroom closet about telling my friends since this all got started when I was a pre-teen and I was taken out of school for 6 months during the worst pain and blood of it, and I didn’t talk to anyone because I felt embarrassed because of it and so weird about it and doubted any of my old or new friends really cared because no one came to visit me.  On a counselor’s advice I told friends I had “the stomach flu” instead of UC so I wouldn’t have to explain and just avoided old friends all through middle school, some of the teachers treated me special because they knew which didn’t help, and I was still dealing with symptoms and drug side effects I felt I couldn’t tell anyone about, so if someone tells you to lie, don’t do that, real friends will be there for you and if they are not, get new friends.  I didn’t start to feel normal again until high school.  I am crying right now because it was so hard to deal with, and I know other people might be in the same situation, and I want to help, I don’t want others to feel I make light of it with my humor, though Lord knows it helps us deal, right?  I have many, many  friends now and a good 90% don’t know I have UC or have no idea what UC entails… unless I were to tell them.  I just want to say to everyone with UC, I know the pain emotional and physical is no joke, I have been there, but I have hope, and I hope you do too.  And I hope I can be at least as brave as my jokes and talk to ALL my friends (and post a picture).  Wish me luck.  Love and Healing!


Where I’d like to be in 1 year:

No trace of UC anywhere! The secret of the Perfect Poo is revealed! Doctors are astounded, scientists are confounded, the people rejoice! The secret??? The Challenge winner steps forward…

Colitis Medications:

Medications: Fruit, juiced veggies & green leafys, rest, sunshine, fresh air, SCD Multi-V, Clark’s liquid trace minerals, Enzymes for digestion, Vit D, Adrenal Assist supplement good for stress, when I get low only Niacin for depression, sex for, well, that’s just for fun and baby makin’

Prednisone seemed to help symptoms at my worst, low stress, juicing and good diet worked best for long term remission.

written by Lea

submitted in the colitis venting area


6 thoughts on “The Challenge – The Perfect Poo”

  1. Hey, Lea, thanks for your uplifting and humorous post. It’s hard for me to find anything good about this problem I have but I like your uptake on it. I was just thinking about using Ensure, but not so sure now, besides I love to eat and have been really watching my diet and I love fresh ripe fruits in place of the sweets I crave, too. Today I baked a cake made with almond flour and blueberries, very tasty and just the thing to perk me up. Always researching solutions and recipes.

  2. Thanks Maggie!

    Yey! I got a response! Maggie and Adam think I’m funny! I pooped my pants while writing this ;)

    BIG update y’all, I ordered a book Self Healing for Crohns and Colitis by Dr. David Klein. This was after some flares of terribly frequent diarrhea. I’ve been having new feelings of fatigue and morning dehydration (drinking lots! of H20). It’s also been hard to sleep at night some days. I had never heard of Natural Hygiene Healing, but the author is a PhD who happened to go to Baumann Nutritional College to get his degree in nutrition as well, so I happened to know the Baumanns and they knew of Dr. David, Ed Baumann remembered him as “the banana guy”, Ed didn’t know my story I just told him just then I have UC, and he recommended some supplements: Quercetin, eating Flax seeds (which are not SCD legal, arrgh!). Oh the joys of this blessed puzzle. Oh btw I LOST my copy Breaking the Vicious Cycle (the book about the SCD diet I’ve been trying for the past 3 months, so if anyone wants to lend me an extra copy and it’s not all poopy, that’d be AWESOME! Ok, so Dr. David checks out as the banana guy, I ordered his Ebook: It seems like a very healthy approach, natural, mostly fruits and vegetables, lots of rest, pure water, exercise, fresh air, sunlight, no drugs. The reviews are unbelievable. The author healed himself of Ulcerative colitis this is the website: Anyone want to try this with me I’m down like Charlie Brown. We will compare poops. I started first, soooo… Ima gonna win!

  3. Haha, thanks Jessica! Ok well Little Updates: I’m feeling better no fatigue, still pooping my pants, but depends Silhouette debuted just in time for me to still hit the club dancing with my friends and have one of the best nights ever! Haha just beware the kids who think dancing means getting all up on your booty, gotta be a classy lassy, hey I am MARRIED after all! Ok hippie squirrels, this next part is going to make your day! There’s this part of the book about Somatic Healing, like mentally scanning your body for what it trying to tell you. I used to hate my belly for giving me problems, like WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE GOOD BELLY! But I found my belly has a voice too, and it has been screaming WHY CAN’T YOU JUST FEED ME GOOD, OWWW! Yes my poor belly is still in pain, but we are at peace now, and we are actually friends! This happened after I had my first revelation and then asked, so BELLY, all those times when you made me run to the bathroom and sit there waiting around like an idiot while nothing happened until the friends think I fell in, and then 5-30 minutes later you decide to LET LOOSE FOR REAL THIS TIME! All those times you made me poop my pants JUST BEFORE I reached the toilet, was that like payback??? And my BELLY answered “I refuse to answer on the grounds that I may incriminate myself” LMAO!!! No lie! I love my belly =D

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