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It’s OK To Teach Weightlifting, But NOT While You’re Wet!

Years ago right before I had my very first colonoscopy, I went to the doctor to get a pill to take to clean me out for the procedure the following day. Well, the nurse forgot to tell me not to go anywhere that afternoon or night, and to just stay home and let the pill do what it is supposed to do. So, just like I did every Wed. night, I went to the local Adult School to train a number of people in weight training. It was in the summer and it was hot. So, I wore my white shorts, white shirt, white underwear, white socks and tennis shoes. My wife went with me as she always did to help out.

About half-way through the class, my colon starts rumbling and I was wondering “what’s up with that?” I had an idea, but remember, I had never had a colonoscopy before and did not know what to expect from taking the pill. A few minutes later, I knew I had better find a bathroom and fast. So, I left the gym area and walked quickly to where I knew some bathrooms were. There was a double-door on the outside of the building that I had to go through to get to them. They were locked. I started to panic. I then had to think very quickly where the other bathrooms were. I recalled there were some down another walkway (these are all individual buildings with sidewalks and not one large building), so I double-timed it to where I thought they were.

As I got close to the first bathroom, all shit broke loose (literally!!). I was still outside about 10-15′ from the bathroom door and I had this stuff running down my leg onto the sidewalk. I ducked into the first bathroom I came to and into the first stall. I pulled my shorts down and sat on the toilet. Talk about a mess. Crap was everywhere … on me, on the seat, on the floor, in my white (now brown) shorts, down my leg, on one sock and in one shoe. I could not call out to my wife since she had no clue to what was happening and this was years before cell phones. I was very afraid someone would walk in on me.

But, I did what I had to do. I took my shorts and underwear off, used the seat covers to clean the seat and me up, flushed the toilet over and over again, used the clean water to rinse out my shorts, underwear, and sock. This took quite a few minutes but I got it done. But I was still wet. I had to get paper towels to wipe and dry myself off. So, naked as I was, I ventured out of the stall and to the sinks (which are right by the door) to get a bunch of paper towels. That is when I noticed I was in the women’s bathroom!

Now I really panicked. What if a female walked in on me either when I was in the stall, coming out of it, or standing there getting paper towels? I hurried back into the stall, dried myself off, made sure I was clean (as could be under the circumstances), and got dressed. My shorts were obviously wet still, as were my underwear. But, I had to go back to class and act like nothing had happened.

By the time I returned, class was over and all of my students except one had left. She was an older lady who stayed to talk to my wife and make sure I was okay. For any of us who have had accidents in public, it is amazing how resilient we are when we have to be. I tried to stand behind my wife as I spoke and shortly, the lady left. I then proceeded to tell my wife what I had just been through. She thought something might’ve happened when I did not come right back but she did not know for sure.

Oh yeah, as I was in the stall cleaning myself up, two guys walked by (who I think were janitors, but not sure either), and one proclaimed, “Man, someone really took a shit out here didn’t they?”

I was lucky and thankful no one walked in on me. How do you explain that?

The next day, I went for my colonoscopy and informed the doctor what had happened the previous night. His only response was that I should’ve been told to stay home.

No sheet Sherlock!

Submitted by “Mike S” in the Colitis Venting Area

8 thoughts on “It’s OK To Teach Weightlifting, But NOT While You’re Wet!”

  1. Wow, super crazy story Mike, I think for sure this might go down in the Guiness Book of world records as maybe the most incredible poop ever! Thanks so much for sharing!


    1. Hey Adam … Guinness Book of World Records??? Thanks a lot for the vote. LOL! I still get a laugh even thinking about what happened that day. I am amazed that I was able to clean myself up at all after all that. Love this site, what would we do without it? You’re the best! -Mike

  2. Hey Mike,
    Funny story, you never said if you had UC or not. I was just wondering because I have been having more and more episodes like this lately, luckily I have been able to keep from shitting myself in public… so far, but I know that day is coming. With UC, I feel like I’m always on some kind of strong laxative because when mother nature hits me, it hits me hard and there is no stopping it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sprayed the toilet seat and floor as I rush into the bathroom. I’ve completely shit my pants in my car on the drive to work, didn’t quite make it in that day. I have been buying quite a bit of new undies lately. Anyway, thanks for sharing.


    1. Hey Blake,
      Yes, I have UC and have had since 1980. I wrote the story, “It may not seem like it, but there will be better days.” Don’t know how I could’ve left out that I had it, since we know that even when we’re not flaring, it can and usually does consume us daily. I have a hard time leaving the house, even going to town sometimes is difficult. I usually have to stop at a gas station just to use the bathroom and god forbid, someone is in the stall when I need to go. Shopping is hard also, some stores won’t let customers use the can, I take my kids with me and have them ask but still … I take Imodium in the morning when I know I’m heading out later. Try it … it works for me. The mint chewables are good and easy to take. Hey, I have a similar story that happened to me when I was on vacation in the Gold Country of northern CA … I may post that one later on … Take care and I hope you get some relief soon. Believe me, I know how you feel. Yeah, I shit in my underpants too at times and forget about washing them out, (what’s the point?) so I just go and buy more Jockey’s! Try the Imodium!!! -Mike

  3. Haha, thanks Mike. It’s fun sharing shit stories with UCers. Hey Adam, I’ll bet you could add a whole other section to this website with people’s poop stories. I took Immodium for about 3 weeks everyday, but was in such a bad part of my flare it didn’t seem to do much for me, although it did help some. Damn Mike, you’ve had UC since 1980, that was a year before I was born. Do you get flares a lot, or have you learned how to handle them? I’ve read some people’s stories on this website where they freak out cause they pooped 5 times in one day, that sounds like a great day to me. I would pay good money to only poop 5 times a day. Hell, I’ve been paying the doctors real good money and they can’t get me below 15 times a day. I just gotta hang in there. Later Mike.


    1. Hey Blake,
      Well, fortunately I don’t get flares that often. The last one was back in August and the first day I went 14 times, the 2nd day 26 times. It lasted almost one month. The most I went in one day was 28 times! I even wrote down the times I went per day so I could keep track. I think that was the first bad flare-up I had in about 3 years. My GI told me that my colitis would return one day, I just didn’t expect it to be THAT day! In fact, once he told me (to my surprise), that when i bleed or have a bad flare, I have colitis, when I am not doing that, I have irritable bowel syndrome … who knew? I think the problem was possibly it just my time, but I had also ran out of Asacol and hadn’t been taking it for a few months. I am now back on it and am doing fine except the occasional having to go when out. In fact, just yesterday I met a buddy of mine a few miles from my home and expected to only be gone a short while. I took a pee prior to leaving but didn’t have to do anything else. On the way I felt like I had to go. After talking to my friend for about 15-20 min. I had to go and ended up going in my pants. Not fun. I could smell it and hoped he couldn’t. Then I had to get back in my car and sit in it and drive home. Fun, fun, fun … So, I wouldn’t call that a “flare,” but just being able to hold it when I need to and I don’t know why. I handle it since there is little else I can do. I used to feel worthless and get all depressed when I would have a bad day but now I just roll with it. I hope you can too. Last year on my kids’ birthday, the wife and I went shopping and had to travel about 45 minutes to the mall, had to go before I got there, got stuck at a light and went in my pants. Went into a McDonald’s, into the stall, took my underpants off, cleaned myself off real good, dumped the underpants in the trash, got dressed and went shopping. Had to act like nothing wrong. Wasn’t going to let it ruin my day either. Hey, probably like you, I’m okay if I never leave the house, but even then I can cut it close. Staying home gets to be the shits also, if you know what I mean, and I’m sure you do… Take care Blake and keep in touch … Mike

    1. Hi Lara,
      I know, that is the only reason I can laugh at it now and over the years. If someone (a female) had walked in on me, who knows what would’ve happened. I would have had some real ‘splainin to do, huh?!


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