This past year and a half has by far been the most trying, exciting, happiest and depressing times of my life.

In July of ’09 my husband and I moved from a large city, where I was raised, to a small town in the middle of nowhere for his medical residency. If that was not enough of a shock to my system being 5 hours away from my entire family, the first week of August would be enough to make your head spin. We were granted permanent custody of a child we had been caring for for the past year (she was almost 3), got her a puppy, and five days later I found out I was pregnant. WOW! My pregnancy was easy as pie, at least until Feb. ’10. At that point I was huge, and I had started having a lot of mucous and gas. I mentioned it to my OB and she said that it was probably just too much fat in my diet and that realistically there was nothing else that could be done until after I had the baby.

I was so uncomfortable with what was going on with my body t hat I didn’t even tell my husband. Then came the blood. I was just thinking that I was big and the baby was pushing on my colon and I was constipated with hemorrhoids. Finally when I started getting urgent needs to go to the bathroom and having constant diarrhea I told my husband. He was devastated that I had not told him before, but I was just thinking like the doctor said, nothing could be done till after baby. Baby Aidan finally came and since then I have been in a flare. Boy was it fun to have a breastfeeding newborn and the constant need to poop. I cannot tell you how many times that poor baby has been nursing while I am on the toilet. What a sight to see, I’m sure. I finally got diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis 10 weeks after he was born. Since then I have been on a constant stream of medications. I started on Asacol and steroids. It helped for a while but then it seemed to just plateaued after tapering off the steroids. The dr. wanted to put me right on Humira but my husband was adamant against that. We have since changed the medicine to Lialda and back on the steroids along with 6MP. It has gotten better but of course I still have my days. The nights and mornings are the worst, the worst is having to leave my kids to fend for themselves while I sprint to the bathroom. I am still having trouble dealing with the reality of what I am now living with.

I feel like I am a recluse. I am 28 with 2 small children and not a lot of support. I thought that I would be in the prime of my life but now I stay at home with my small kids not able to do much because the thought of leaving with the kids by myself to go anywhere can make me incredibly anxious. I am isolated and alone, my husband, who works at least 80 hours a week comes home to a house that is a wreck and a wife that is deliriously tired. I feel like a failure, my whole life I wanted to be a stay at home mom and susie homemaker. Ironically that is EXACTLY what I am, a STAY AT HOME MOM, but sadly without the energy to be susie homemaker. Hopefully, when this 6MP takes hold things will get a little back to normal. If not, I swear I am going to think about becoming a smoker. I just want to give my family the mother and wife that they deserve.

Submitted by “Stuck at Home Mom”

5 thoughts on “The Whirlwind”

  1. I know exactly how you feel. During my pregnancy is when the blood and crazy urges started (I was about 7 months pregnant). I used to be a smoker; I picked it back up for a few months after my daughter was born, and then I finally quit. As soon as I quit, the flare started. I was finally diagnosed with UC April of 2010. I’ve only experienced remission for about 4 months since then, lost my job, and now I am a stay at home mom as well – and still flaring. I know what you are going through; I don’t leave the house because I’ve already been out in public and had an ‘accident’. I’m so mortified that it will happen again. I don’t do anything! And my poor daughter deserves to be out in the world but what can I do? So yes, I feel your pain…it will get better. It has to, doesn’t it?! Just have to try and keep a positive attitude! Have you tried any other ‘remedies’? I’ve started taking probiotics, selenium, slippery elm bark, wheat grass juice and I’ve started smoking again. :( I’m not really noticing a difference yet (it’s been about 5 days) but one thing that definitely helps is the SCD diet. I’m not following it completely but I have cut out carbs and sugars and the difference is AMAZING. I think the site is something like Breaking the Vicious Cycle – you can get tons of info on it there! Good luck to you, I hope you feel better soon – and just know that there are others out there just like you who understand and can show you support. :):):) xoxo

    1. I have bought the book and honestly I just can’t bring myself to start the diet. I love food and love cooking. Italian being my favorite. I have tried eating healthier and cutting carbs and stuff and I am constantly hungry. Plus I always think about I am also cooking for 3 others and on a very very tight budget. I know that in the summer it will definitely be easier to eat healthy, I grill veggies a lot on the grill but of course that also consists of potatoes. I guess I am just going to have to deal with reality and either quit complaining or do something about it. The smoking thing is just hard to wrap my brain around. I have been lecturing family members for my entire life about smoking and now its like dangling a magic potion in front of my face. The thought of being better is so tempting but I don’t think I am there yet with the diet or the smoking. I’m going to give these meds another month and a half, I will then have been on the 6MP for 12 weeks, and see where we are. Thank you so much for the feedback. It is nice to know that I am not alone.

  2. Hey lady,
    Hang in there dude. It will get better. It always does. I went “gluten free” and that really helped for me (blood-free since August 2010) and it isn’t that hard to do at all. When you are new to this thing it freaks you out. After a while you get used to it and figure out what works for you.

  3. Smoking, probiotics and diet have helped my husband a lot with this last flare. Nicotine patch and gum do not work for him. You may want to try a new product- snus- it is a small packet of nicotine you put under the upper lip. It is less expensive, smokeless, and studies in Europe show minimal CA risk. My husband had been on this with good results- untill the kids got a bad GI bug that pushed him into a flare. Kathy

  4. I smoked for 11 years all the while having flares. I think that it is sad that smoking is being considered by so many as an option to “control” UC. I just urge everyone to who considers it to think hard and exhaust every other option before taking up the habit! Not only will smoking effect your health but also the health of your family. Even if you don’t smoke around your children, they will pick up the nicotine from your clothing and skin from you touching them and this will lower their immune systems. I have heard this from many doctors and it was the biggest factor in me quitting as while I didn’t ever smoke around my son, he was picking up the nicotine from me and was getting sick a lot! Since I quit 3 years ago, this past month was the first time he had been sick in at least a year if not more!
    Good luck to you and I wish you good health! I read all these stories and identify with all of them in some way but I especially identified with yours since I have a young son. Sometimes I wonder how much my sickness effects him but I truely believe that my love overshadows the disease every time and I am sure your family feels the same way!

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