Sigh – Not Again

Yep – back in a flare again. I really am struggling to determine what caused this flare. In the past my flares have been stress-induced. But I’m really not under any stress right now. Really, apart from this flare – life is good.

I’m in Belgium again for the winter, where I’m supposed to be racing my cyclo-cross bike. Well, the racing is on hold now. There is no way I can race through a flare. (I tried it earlier in the summer and it just didn’t work.) It is hard to be here right now and not be able to race or even ride. Honestly I’m starting to lose my zest for bike racing – it is so hard to race my body and the other competitors…

This flare so far is definitely my worst flare ever. In the past I’ve still wanted to eat and have been able to get through my days fairly normally. Not this time. I really have no desire to eat – everything I eat feels like it is ripping through me. Even drinking water or rice milk is causing me to feel very uncomfortable. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, I’ve even had two “accidents” – one here at home and one when I was out running an errand. So frustrating and disappointing.

I think this is where I am right now – disappointed. Disappointed in my body. I’ve been doing everything right and it just doesn’t seem to help. Some days it is tempting to just eat “junky” foods and do all the “wrong” things since eating healthy, staying stress-free and living a fairly clean life, don’t really seem to make a difference with this disease.

Luckily here I’ve been able to track down VSL #3. This is the probiotic that is supposed to help those of us with ulcerative colitis. Has anyone tried this probiotic? Thoughts on it?

So this is where I’m at. I really am just wiped out by this disease. My gut is in knots. I’m going to the bathroom up to 40 times a day. I have terrible headaches. I really just want this all to go away.

4 thoughts on “Sigh – Not Again”

  1. Hi Vickith, I’m so sorry to hear you are doing so bad with your flare. I can’t even imagine what going to the bathroom up to 40 times a day is like! I hope the VSL #3 starts working for you soon and then maybe you can get some relief? sounds like it would be best for you to get some IV fluids in you to get some energy back, not that I like it when my son has to go have this done, but it definitely makes him feel better. Or, as much as your gut is bothering you, just keep up the fluids as much as possible to avoid dehydration. I really hope you can get some relief soon and feel some kind of normalcy. So sorry that you had to miss out on your bike race. keep us posted on your recovery.

  2. Hey Vicki,
    Ever since reading your post earlier today I’ve been thinking about you and really getting down in some ways that this disease has caused so much hell to someone like you who needs a 100% up and running body to perform in your line of work. When I broke the news about how you are having UC problems to my mom she was upset as well as we’ve been reading your cycling/UC stories for a while now, and we were beginning to think that no news was good news.
    Although you are completely wiped out at the moment, this is just temporary as are all things in life. You’re going to get past this for sure, no doubt in my mind at all.
    I want to share 2 bits of good/hopeful news to you that I think relate to your current situation.
    First, I was in Vegas last weekend for the 1/2 marathon. Near mile 9(i ran the first 7 walked the rest) I met up with a woman I will guess was in her early 40’s who has two teenage kids both of whom are very athletic, and 1 is even on a track team in college etc… Anyways, she’s had UC for 17 yrs, and she is a marathon runner, 1/2 marathon runner, and was in Greeeeat shape(maybe could have kicked my butt if she wanted to) Anyways, she had been through the ringer as well with her disease and eventually had sucess with asacol and probiotics and vitamin D and magnesium. She had her vitamin D tested and magnesium tested years ago after being diagnosed(after a GI doc recomendation) to learn her V-d was almost non-existent. Once she fixed that things began to get on a roll again and she is 10 years symptoms free and VERY athletic and active. Again, she’s running half marathons all year long symptom free.

    The other story is about the mom from Canada I sat next to on the airplane from San Fran to Vegas late Friday night. This amazing woman had a rare spinal disease and had all kinds of titanium screws and bolts in her spine fusing things together. Well, she is also a mom, and was in Hulk Hogan style shape. She for sure could have kicked my butt. She also is a personal trainer and an owner of a gym up in Canada. She also was told that she would never be able to run again and would not be an active person ever before and after her surgery. Obviously she proved them wrong. She too runs half and full marathons, built like a tank, and has a super positive outlook on life.

    All I’m trying to say is when I read your posting it made me think of these two other people, and they make me think of you.
    What is so amazing about our bodies is how they don’t seem to forget how to work properly even after days/weeks/months/even years of dealing with active disease. These two people are living proof, and soon enough you will be too. Keep your chin up, I don’t think there is any harm of trying the VSL #3 We’re all rooting for you Vicki!!

  3. Vicki-
    Man, your flare sounds exactly like the flare that landed me in the hospital where I was finally diagnosed with UC. Luckily, it’s never gotten that bad again (knock on wood). I remember traveling to Florida for vacation and not drinking even one sip of water because I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the flight. I never went farther than a few feet from a bathroom for fear of an accident. Nobody can understand what it’s like to not even be able to drink water unless you’ve been there yourself.

    I wish you well and hope you are feeling better soon. xoxoxoxo Christina

  4. So sorry to’ hear how bad you are really seams you should check your iron etc etc, and have IV to recover some kind of energy.
    VSL#3 really helps me when I eat something wrong, like refined pasta or cheese. I have read some people use it as an enema. But I am not in a flare at the moment due to Remicade.
    Let us know what goes on, a big virtual hag

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