Ulcerative Colitis Survey October 8, 2011:
Relationships and Ulcerative Colitis
Objective: To share experiences and information about how being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis has affected relationships and intimacy with partners.
Data Collected through a simple questionnaire with participation of 50 Colitis people from all over the world.(8 Countries to be exact: Australia, Canada, Iceland, Ireland, New Zeland, Norway, United Kingdom, and the United States)
The data collected from the survey has not been altered in any way, and simply has been transcribed to this webpage with a bunch of copy and pasting by good old Adam. Feel free to leave any comments below, and enjoy taking a glimpse into the relationships and effects of Colitis on a great group of 50 participants. Below are the questions that were asked, and the responses
Question #1: How many relationships have you been in since being diagnosed?
|Number of Relationships Since Diagnosed:1||Responses28||% of Responses56%|
|More than 10 (The one night stand is my middle name)||1||2%|
Question #2: Were you in a relationship when you were diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis?
Yes, and I am still in that same relationship
|Responses20||% of Responses40%|
Yes I was, but I am NOW finished with that relationship
Question #3: In your most recent/current relationship, how open/honest were you with your partner about your symptoms?
|Almost completely, but I would still hide a few things sometimes||Responses25||% of Responses50%|
|100% open book, I would leave the bathroom door open all the time||18||36%|
|I really only would say that I have a sensitive stomach, and just need the bathroom alot||4||8%|
|None of the above||3||6%|
|I would lie all the time and tell my partner that I was feeling fine when I was not well at all||0||0%|
|I wouldn’t say anything at all, and I’d somehow manage to pretty much hide everything||0||0%|
Question #4: How much of an effect did your Colitis Diagnosis/Symptoms alter your Intimate Moments?
|A Little bit less intimacy||Responses19||% of Total Responses38%|
|Much less Intimacy||13||26%|
|No change in “Sex Life” moments with my partner||13||26%|
|none of the above||3||6%|
|Call me crazy, but this part of the relationship increased in volume||2||4%|
Question #5: What has been the hardest part of living with colitis and trying to maintain a relationship
- With Ulcerative Colitis its a rollercoaster ride. Everyday is different. Its difficult to explain to your significant other about how these sideeffects can alter your life. I mean they can hear you explain but they dont know how you feel, all the pain you go through and how tiring and stressful it is. I think one of the hardest parts is being comfortable with my body. I was on prednisone for about 16yrs and the effects on my body were horrible. I went from a constant 130lbs to 190lbs. I am embarrashed about my body which makes intimacy difficult sometimes. I try so hard to lose weight and I just cant do it. Its depressing and takes a toll.
- Always being too tired for anythi g and needing to be close to a bathroom at all times. It definitely changes the kind of dates that you can go on. And pooping your pants…some things you can’t hide.
- Not being able to go places or do things on the spur of the moment. I’d rather be at home when I’m in the midst of a flare. Even if I’m having a decent day, I still feel inhibited and nervous about going out for fun. I love college football and had to turn down a free ticket today b/c I knew I would be in the bathroom for most of the game. I also worried about the drive up b/c I know there are only a few places to stop along the way. The anxiety of it all doesn’t help the situation.
- Just managing family life and being a wife and mother too! Not feeling very sexy and always feeling like crap does not bode well for a thriving sex life!!
- Having a social life! My partner sometimes doesn’t understand that I just want to stay home and cuddle where it’s safe instead of going out.I’m also concerned how my sex life/self esteem will be affected if I ever have surgery…
- trying not to gross partner out, but still be very open and honest about my intimacy needs and UC needs. Often we have alternative relations because we can still be close, while neither I nor my partner needs to ‘fear’ the possible interaction with the UC
- Getting over the embarrassment of having to rush to the bathroom after every meal, after EVERYTHING! I once didn’t make it to the bathroom on a first date. He never called again. I might not have answered!
- It doesn’t impact too much on our relationship. I guess the hardest part is while being in a flare, you have many restrictions for example traveling to certain places, eating particular foods etc. My fiancé, is very supportive, so I am lucky. I don’t find it spoils our relationship, just sometimes I wish I had less worries. Just do things without thinking will this affect my bowel etc
- lack of overall understanding whether it comes down to overall daily “how am i feeling today?”, or during intimacy. due to this disease, partaking in sexual activity can be painful, due to symptoms correlating to uc.Mostly having the energy to be intimate or sometimes feeling nervous about having to go during.
- The hardest part is trying not to show that i’m in pain or running to the bathroom so much, and not letting him see all the meds i’m taking thats the hardest part.
- It is difficult to maintain a relationship, especially when you have plans and have to cancel due to being stuck in the bathroom. It is also hard when people who care about you have to watch you struggle with your health and your weight, medications and doctor’s appointments.
- The hardest part has been adjusting our relationship to how my stomach feels. Sometimes I won’t want to go out or do things if I’m feeling really sick. Intimately, nothing has really been affected.
- Just being able spend time out on dates was always hard for us.
- Constantly being the ‘sick’ one and being seen to need looking after. Obviously I appreciate it, but I also don’t want to have this become my defining characteristic.
- I have not been in a relationship since I’ve had UC, so I can’t answer this.
- having the same amount of confidence as I once did before being diagnosed. It is to this day, hard for me to fully trust that he is here to stay. I cannot comprehend why my boyfriend would choose to stay with somebody as sick as I am at the age of 20, when he can easily leave me for somebody who lives a healthy “normal” college life. I also have an ileostomy, intimacy and other things are difficult at times because of my own body image.
- It’s uncomfortable when you spend a little too long in the bathroom, or when your abdomen is making strange sounds. And there’s the worry, when having a flare-up, about that panicky trip to a bathroom. There are a lot of intimacy issues, so it can be difficult with a newer relationship than an established one.
- Not being able to go out of the house with him to do fun things. Always worried about having to go to the bathroom.
- There hasn’t been any.
- Fatigue. It’s hard to want to go and do things when you are physically exhausted. You cannot stay up long enough to stay goodnight. You are scared that you will have an accident if you engage in sex.
- Eating out, having a flare and concentrating on myself my health and pushing partner away uncounsiously.
- Trying to explain to my partner that I need more emotional support at times when I am feeling really bad.
- I felt like I was a chore, whenever something went wrong with my condition, it made me feel less attractive in everyway possible, causing me to become quite bitter and negative to my partner at the time.
- Sometimes she is frustrated with the amount of times I have to go to the bathroom, shopping, traveling. She understands but gets irritated.
- When I’m in flare, things seem to need to be a bit more planned with emptying bowels before hand!
- the first thng i thought abt was hw im gna tel the people i love that im sick an hw wil they understand me an if they wil accept me even if im sick
- Planning and doing vacations
- I try not to speak about it, and arouse stress
- Sexual positions change cuz of cramping and unsure of what bowels have in store for me at the time lol and time of day plays a part 2
- The fact that he doesn’t completely understand and because I’ve been pretty sick, we haven’t been intimate & he blames it on me being ill
- Trying to tell my partner that sometimes I just don’t want to have sex because I feel like I need to poop
- Trying to get through the flares and not having it affect intimacy.
- going out and doing things. he wants to but most of the time i cant. he voiced his frustration about it once.
- Not being able to do as much as I’d like. Less energy, toilet dependent, bloated and just not feeling well.
- Not being fully in remission and starting a new relationship is hard. There is always a thought in the back of your head; what are they thinking? So I’d say being honest about the pain and symptoms is the hardest part.
- I find it tricky knowing when to bring it up with a new partner. In the past I have brought it up very early on and I feel it has killed the relationship from progressing but if they end it because of the Colitis then they are not for me anyway!
- Always being sick and never being able to do the little things (road trips, movies) without constant worry and frequent pitstops is trying on a relationship.
- No long-term relationship experience.
- The hardest part for me was the going out on date nights. I would be constantly worrying about if I would start to feel sick, if we had to call the night short because of me, worry where the bathrooms are, etc.
- The embarrassing parts, where you have ‘accidents’ and either have to hide it from partner or he sees it and cleans up for you!!
difficult to go out and have fun, when in a flare….
- Being super annoyed when going through a flare. Mood swings due to meds. Feeling tired and not able to keep date plans or just hanging out at home. Fighting about me not taking meds.
- -Doing stuff as a couple when one partner is able to get up and go and you are thinking more omg is it a depends day or am I good to go. – My partner gets frustrated that I sometimes won’t eat if we are going to go somewhere.-.Knowing that i may soon have a bag and knowing that the idea of that terrifies my partner because he doesn’t know if he will be able to want to be intimate with me sexually when that time comes.- The being sick and not looking sick is hard as well, sometimes he gets mad because I just want to lay in bed all day and he thinks I am faking it.
- sometime it’s hard to make the other person understand exactly what you’re going through and what your fears/anxiety are.
- Not being able to go out!
- Never knowing when your going to need the bathroom. Makes being intimate very nerve racking
- Not being able to go places we want and be active like I want. Also the lack of sex drive
- I didn’t have to work to “maintain” my relationship – there was never any question that my husband would support me 100%. However, the intimacy issues did come up occasionally and I had to explain that while I really wanted to be intimate, my body was in a lot of pain/recovery/etc. and that that need to be taken into account. Other avenues were taken aside from intercourse – I don’t think I need to elaborate on those! :)
- Feeling guilty about not being able to do as much when sick.the worst part is trying to get the partner to understand the side effects of the prednisolone. severe moodswings etc
Question #6: Have you ever felt like you have failed your partner because because of your colitis? If yes, Why & How?
- No. I believe I am an amazing person. I am an open book and let people know what they are getting themselves into. I do my very best in a relationship and always feel as if I give more than anyone else. If a person doesnt like me for me than its their loss not mine :O)
- No, not failed, but my husband has definitely had to compromise for my colitis. I can’t eat at all restaurants, we have to go places where there is a bathroom close by and sometimes I just don’t have the energy to do anything.
- They have been understanding of what I go through, especially the pain involved. Personally, I feel that they think I’m making excuses at times, but that’s probably me being paranoid of what others think of me.
- Yes. Because I’m not always up for what a “normal” person would be up for. When you are in a flare, as a woman, your colon is so inflammed that you can’t even think about sex…and I feel bad that I’m not there for my husband in that way…especially when its been like 3 wks plus. When you are in a marriage like ours everything is open…you have to just communicate and make sure you let them know that you are just not feeling well.
- No, because I know my limits and it’s out of my control. And he isn’t perfect either. ;)
- oh yes, because my partner is a very outgoing, activity driven person just I was when we met and married. Now though, and we’re talking 20 years, most of our joint outings depend on how well I feel. sometimes I tell my partner find a friend, take one of our grown children, or go yourself. That makes me feel not as bad since my partner still got to do something they wanted to do.
- No. He gets it.
- No. He loves me for me & vice versa. However I do worry about when we start a family. I’m hoping I won’t pass this on to our children. I’m not sure if id feel if I failed him, but i’m sure I’ll blame myself.
- and in regards to this question, this would be my part two of my previous question’s answer. for me it would be the lack of mutual satisfaction, because not always are we able to do the things we would like during intimacy, or let alone…sometimes have it at all because some of us are too sick, and feeling too shitty to be having intimacy in the first place.
- In a way I guess, because my partner wants another child (we have two already) being pregnant with UC seems kind of scary. I don’t want my pregnancy or child to be effected by my UC.
- Sometimes i do, because well i’m sometimes not in the mood for anything if we go some where i have to make sure theres a bathroom and well we still dont have any kids and well i feel like i failed on that with him but hes ok with that and he still loves me. I’ve known my boyfriend for 7 years now, so he knew me before i got uc and now after and he still asked me to be his girlfriend and he says i’m gonna be his wife soon.
- Yes, I did. I felt as though I should be able to go and do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted instead of sometimes being forced to stay home due to symptoms. Also, my ex (thank you!) said that he was worried about us having kids together because he did not want them to have any problems, and be ‘diseased’. Again, yes he is my ex for many reasons.
- Yes because I wouldn’t be able to spend all the time I would have liked with them and wasn’t able to go out and missed their family functions because of colitis.
- No, not failed, per se – but it has made me feel like I’m being a let down, sort of, if I’m too unwell to go out etc.
- Doesn’t apply–not in a relationnship.
- Yes. I often become sick on occasional dates and I feel absolutely horrible. Like it was my intention to ruin everything. My boyfriend is very understanding and easy going. I felt nauseous and lightheaded in the middle of a very fancy, expensive dinner. I tried toughing it out but had to leave. Although he didn’t mind, I still wanted to cry. I couldn’t make it home without balling my eyes out. On a separate occasion I felt so sick during intercourse we had to stop. Very humiliating and left me feeling worthless and defeated.
- Occasionally I would feel like there were some things we couldn’t do because of a flare-up, or the times when I would just want to stay home instead of go out.
- Sometimes. I feel like I can’t do things we used to do. Eat. Drink. Go out for the day.
- Yes, most definitely. The type of things we used to do have been limited by my UC. I feel like the things that made me who I was have been taken away from me.
- Not giving them my all during a flar, but at the same time they didn’t understand my disease completly.
- Yes. I am more sensitive to things when feeling horrible in the middle of a flare and I tend to react differently than I do when I am not feeling bad. Makes me feel like I am “crazy” at times because I feel like I over react to things thus adding more stress on my partner….. endless cycle.
- Yeah I did. My partner broke up with me about 6 months after I was diagnosed, I felt that it was because he couldn’t handle my disease and didn’t know what I needed and how to support me.
- Sometimes been difficult to help financially
- No failing here. Best thing about being open. Flare ups pass, especially now I’ve got the stress under more control.
- no,because its nt my partners fault that i have colitis nor my fault everything happens 4 a reason all that matters is yr partner is there fighting with u an supportive all the way
- We can not go and do some of the things we would like to do.
- No, patience is something we share.
- NO I have an amazing partner we actually humor the gassy moments and work with each other
- I am unable to work a full time job & I can only have a part time job that’s stress free.
- Yes, because we don’t have sex as often as he would like.
- I feel like my spouse got a defective model and should trade me in for a newer model lol
- yes because i cant do as many things as before. and i put a damper on money by having to pay meds ect.
- Yes, there are trips/events we’ve had to pass up because I was feeling sick or couldn’t tolerate the drive/sitting. Also not being able to be intimate as often as we both would like.
- Not really “failed”, but I have definitely felt like a burden and inconvenience.
- I haven’t had a relationship, but I’m afraid of entering one, as I know I can’t give my girl what she deserves in terms of a boyfriend.
- No. And the reason I say this is because my boyfriend has been nothing buy supportive and with that he makes me feel like I have nothing wrong with me
- felt bad sometimes when we havent been abloe to go out, like he has wanted, cos of a flare and in too much pain, and worried about having to rush to the bathroom etc
- Yes, I feel this way all the time. We have 3 kids. Two are very young and a year apart. I feel like my husband does most of the hard work when it comes to raising the little ones. I rarely have any energy to assist with bath time, dinner, walks, play time. Most of the time I am the homework monster, because I can lie down or sit and help them with that. My joints hurt most of the time so if I am up it is not a good tome for me and my kids can tell. So usually they will tell me it’s ok to go lay down. I feel like my husband got a defective wife. It makes me feel like I am a huge burden most of the time.
- yes I do because I hold us back from living a normal life.
- Yes – sometimes feel as though we cannot do all the things we want to because of the colitis.
- Yes my little girl she want to go out to the park .and I could not go.
- For sure. He wants some but I was in too much pain.
- No, my partner is very supportive and understanding and never makes me feel like I should feel bad for the things I can not do
- I don’t feel that I’ve failed him – but I feel he has been through just as much as I have with all the worrying he’s done, stress he’s endured when I’ve been in the hospital, etc. Part of the reason I chose to go with a permanent ileostomy after having a j pouch for two years was to give him HIS life back, as well as mine. Now I have no pain and our lives are happy again.
- Yes. He has spent a lot of time taking care of me and the children due to my illness. He doesn’t seem to mind though.
- the interruptions to social life if invited somewhere and the moodswings and lack of confidence
Question #7: What suggestions would you give to other UC’ers who are in or trying to start a relationship?
- Honesty is the best policy they say. Stay open and communication is very important. And never ever let anyone use UC against you.
- Be honest. If you’re up front about it, if it goes wrong, it wont be as much of a surprise.
- Be up front about your situation. If your partner doesn’t understand or is insensitive about it then he/she may not be a good match. I’ve always heard that you need to experience the flu with your partner, so then you know how the other copes during their most vulnerable, irritable, and sickest time. You’re certainly not at your sexiest when you have the flu, so if you survive that, then you’re probably good. The same should apply with UC.I have found the older I’ve become, the easier it is to talk about, but it hasn’t always been like that. If you have a hard time explaining what UC is, point them to a website or print a page off to give him/her. (I’ve had to do that for work purposes, even though they didn’t care. The admins always compared me with someone they knew who had UC or Crohn’s and since they were healthy and doing well, then I must be exaggerating my symptoms and flare. Sorry, I digress…still a tad bitter).
- COMMUNICATION!!!!!! You gottacommunicate. I know that some will say to not talk about it right away, but I disagree. you gotta get it out there and talk. Even if you over talk….talking is the best therapy, especially with the one you love!
- Never let anyone make you feel bad about it. UC is stressful enough, make sure your partner is at least supportive. And make sure they understand (without scaring them too much) the severity, for example UC isn’t just a case of pooping too much and having some gas–it can sometimes be @#$%ing serious and downright painful.
- start – no clue. At this point, most of my close friends and co-workers know, because they see me running as needed. with my partner and family, even looking at my face is enough and they leave me ‘my’ bathroom and use the others in the home.
- Be completely open. If you hold it in youll only feel worse. Literally. There is no holding in farts sometimes. Just get used to it. Sometimes it feels like you swallowed a vibrating cell phone, laugh about it. Honesty IS the best policy.
- Always be honest. Don’t try to hide it or make it sound smaller than what it is. You need someone who knows & understands. You need that support. As much as possible don’t let colitis hold you back.
- not sure(check the next question-kind of already answered it :) )
- Don’t have any advice, I was diagnosed after I was married.
- Talk to them, make sure you explain everything that is going on and if they stay well you know that person has a very good heart and loves you deeply
- Be honest. Maybe in the beginning say that you have a sensitive stomach, but as time goes on it is best just to be honest about the disease. Unless you feel comfortable with the details, and feel they will too, just leave out some of the issues you are having in the bathroom. Say that you get crampy and don’t feel well, or your joints ache, but don’t go into the nastier details…that may be TMI.
It is very important to find someone who is patient, understanding, loving and kind. Especially when they may have to struggle with you, you need a good support system. I did not have that in my last long term relationship and it made the symptoms,and everything else, worse.
- Be honest. This is how I am with everyone in my life. Tell them about UC, make sure they understand what’s going on if you have to run off to the bathroom every 10 minutes. Don’t try to hide your symptoms or your disease– you didn’t ASK to have UC, so hiding it will only produce more anxiety and stress that will make you stomach feel worse. I’m not saying you have to talk about it on the first date with someone, but if you’re in a relationship, make sure your partner has the opportunity to support you. They most likely will do so :)
- Be open if they don’t understand then they aren’t worth the time.
- Be honest – if somebody is truly worth it they will deal with it, and want you to be healthy. Going into exact precise squishy details isn’t really necessary, but an explanation of what the deal is, so they can kind of fathom what’s going on in your poor abdomen, is crucial.
- try to accept yourself before starting a relationship with somebody else, and be as open as possible.
- Be honest as much as possible without making yourself feel uncomfortable.
- To be open & honest about it because if the person is meant for you, having UC will not be an issue
- Be honest.
- Be honest about what you go through with your disease, physically and mentally. Explain what happens durring a flare and both can make a strategy to get you through it. If they don’t really bother helping out mentally or physically then its not gonna work.
- Just be open and honest with the person you are seeing and be sure they understand what UC is.
- To be honset from the beginning. If they can’t handle what you hve to say about it, they are not worth it.
- Be open and honest. No good stressing and hiding flares. You’ll make the flare worse. We are all normal but have a medical condition, just like thousands of others.
- just be open frm the start explain everythng in detail an just be honest an yrself an yr partner dnt wait until the last when its 2 late
- Not sure
- Be open, show patience. What you give is what you receive .
- Honesty n humor it really helps
- Be open and honest cause it’s not easy to hide it if you happen to flare.
- be completely honest with them so they know what they are getting into
- Be open with your partner up front. If it scares them away the relationship wouldn’t have lasted anyway.
- Be open and honest. If your partner can’t accept the fact that you have colitis it’s just not meant to be. It’s something you have to live with and if they can’t accept that, then that’s not fair to you.
- Be honest as soon as possible. If they are meant for you, they will stay.
- Be honest. A strong support circle is absolutely essential to with thus disease.
- Be completely honest and explain in detail what you might need from them to do. For example, I have told my boyfriend to pull over plenty of times on the highway and to just look away if I NEED to go.
- If you are in a serious relationship, be honest about your problems….it may be embarrassing, but at least he knows what to expect during a flare etc
If you are just starting a new relationship and unsure of where it is going to go….I would keep it to myslf, maybe just say have tummy problems etc so he doesnt think you are weird keep running off too the bathroom all night!!
- Start slow and only talk about what you are comfortable with sharing.
- Be as honest as you can then there is no surprise later on for your partner. They don’t alway get it when you say you have it until they live with you.
- Be honest up front.
- Be open!
- Being honest is probably the best idea. I don’t go into the gory details but I’m pretty open about how I feel and it has kept us close
- Be 100% open and honest – and have a sense of humor. With GI diseases, we never have a shortage of puns, so embrace them! If you are confident in yourself, other people will have confidence in you as well – even when you’re sick.
- be totally open and honest from the start and if they think you are important enough to them they wll understand and support you
Question #8: Is there anything else you would like to add about Ulcerative Colitis and Relationships from your perspective?
- Its difficult but if someone loves you unconditionaly there are no worries.
- If they’re not understanding, they aren’t worth it.
- Communication is paramount!A quick story that makes me laugh…I had a “friends with benefits” relationship with a guy at one time. Both of us were usually able to meet at a moments notice, so when I couldn’t, I had to explain the situation. I was in the process of prepping for a colonoscopy the next day. Was more than half way through my cocktail mixture, so the fun in the bathroom was about to begin. After I told him what I was doing and that I couldn’t meet, he said, “well, your pussy still functions, so let me come over. I’m not looking to bang your ass tonight.” Very true, but I still declined his offer that evening. Still makes me chuckle and I hope that if he ever has to prep for a scope and I know about it, I can call him and use the same line.
- I would not be here today if it weren’t for my husband, I owe him my life. He is my inspiration, as well as my children. He has helped me thru things that I can’t even tell you. B/c we talk so much we help each other through the good and the bad! Last year the bad totally over shadowed the good, but its like a wave….it goes up and down and sometimes goes away….you just have to ride it and hang in there!
- Be prepared to answer questions when they arise.
Don’t volunteer without saying “I need to talk about this with you.”
When the UC makes you cranky from the frustrations, TELL THEM! (Just like PMS)
Make jokes; sometimes funny stuff happens.
It is a disease/disorder; not something you are doing TO them OR to yourself.
Seek self or partner counseling when you need it; and if you are even thinking about it, YOU NEED IT
- Always wear a panty liner girls!
- be open to communication with your partner -as much as you the uc-er are willing to be. know what’s your limit in your relationship and during intimacy(if you hurting during intimacy)-stop!-, and know your still in control of your relationship with communication, compatibility between each, work, trust, honesty, and be willing to work everyday for a healthy life, and successful relationship.ps-good survey-thanks, adam!
- If your partner isn’t supportive and understanding, get out. If my husband wasn’t as supportive as he is, I would be in a much worse state. I could never be with someone who didn’t empathize with what I’m going through. When I leave my husband at the table for 10 minutes by himself at a restaurant so I can dash to the restroom, and he texts me while I’m gone to check how I feel…. it’s little things like that. He rubs my back during 3 am meltdowns over my stomach. He tries diets with me. He reminds me to take my meds. He buys me probiotics and digestive enzymes and encourages me to get out and live my life despite UC. Find THAT person and your experience with UC will be infinitely better!
- I was not in a relationship before being diagnosed with UC, for other reasons, but now that I have/had UC, had my colon removed, and have a permanent ileostomy, I would not even consider starting a relationship, even if the opportunity came up. I just think that would be too much baggage–figuratively and literally–for a new relationship, and I don’t want to deal with that. If I had been IN a relationship, it might be a different story, but as far as dating/intimacy/sex goes, for me, that road is now closed.
- It can be difficult when your partner doesn’t understand the severity of it, sometimes. A separation definitely started when I had my first flare up and he couldn’t understand this would affect me the rest of my life.
- There should be a colitis dating site somwhere.
- after going what I went through, with being dumped while i was so unwell, it’s hard for me to think that someone else will stay with me, but I am hoping :)
- I would say that our relationship has grown stronger because of colitis, it is tough to go through but allowed us to rely heavily on each other when we were feeling week (each in our own way). We appreciate one another more.
Married 10 years.
- even if u have colitis it doesnt mean yr life is over it means god put u through it 4 a reason
- If Empathy exists in eachother, it can be as beautiful as extra cheese! PeaceLove;)
- Be forward from the beginning then there r no omg moments ..mypartner was at my house in the beginning of our relationship I actually didn’t make it 2 the br I quickly showered came back into the room and said the only thing I could think of “welcome 2my life”lol
- if i would for any reason ever be out of this relationship i am pretty sure i would not get married again.
- If you are in a relationship that causes you stress walk away as quickly as you can because it will not help you get better it will just get worse. Find a partner who will go through anything with you. My man has taken me fishing and watched me have to change my dirty depends in the woods and still kissed me like I am the most beautiful girl in the world after witnessing me at my worst.
- Be open from the start
- I feel very lucky to have a guy in my life that is very understanding, sweet, and supportive. I know that if I need him he is there for me. I do wish that uc was a subject we both knew nothing about and never had to deal with but he’s stuck by me BC he loves me. And it makes me hopeful for good things to come :)
- Your situation, no matter what it is, is not based on what you see, but how you see (or interpret) it. These diseases only ruin the lives of those who let them. Have downtime is normal, crying is normal, but pick yourself up afterwards and move forward.
ENDING THE Colitis RELATIONSHIP:
That concludes the “Relationships and Ulcerative Colitis Survey”. I really want to thank again all of the 50 people(especially all of the people on the facebook group, and it’s so cool to see participation from 8 countries…incredible to me and another tribute to the internet I guess) who participated in this survey. I myself did not participate in this survey as a reponder, but just as the data collector. Quite a bit of the answers for my case with my wife are already up on the site. But while we are at it, I would say that my relationship has become stronger over time. 90% of the time since I’ve been married I have been diagnosed with UC. 100% of the time since I met my wife I was dealing with symptoms. Our sex life and intimacy is only affected while I was super severe, and if the time comes where I am in a flare up, which is very rare. And I totally agree with everyone’s comments above about being open and honest being a great plan of attack if you’re getting ready to start putting the moves on a new guy or girl. No need to be hiding symptoms.
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also, if you would like to be notified of future survey’s, I would recommend that you sign up for the newsletter at the top right hand side of this webpage. That way you’ll get the results sent to your email address. After signing up, you’ll get a confirmation email, so be sure to accept that and you’ll be activated.
-Adam (and yes, I have uc too)