Years ago right before I had my very first colonoscopy, I went to the doctor to get a pill to take to clean me out for the procedure the following day. Well, the nurse forgot to tell me not to go anywhere that afternoon or night, and to just stay home and let the pill do what it is supposed to do. So, just like I did every Wed. night, I went to the local Adult School to train a number of people in weight training. It was in the summer and it was hot. So, I wore my white shorts, white shirt, white underwear, white socks and tennis shoes. My wife went with me as she always did to help out.
About half-way through the class, my colon starts rumbling and I was wondering “what’s up with that?” I had an idea, but remember, I had never had a colonoscopy before and did not know what to expect from taking the pill. A few minutes later, I knew I had better find a bathroom and fast. So, I left the gym area and walked quickly to where I knew some bathrooms were. There was a double-door on the outside of the building that I had to go through to get to them. They were locked. I started to panic. I then had to think very quickly where the other bathrooms were. I recalled there were some down another walkway (these are all individual buildings with sidewalks and not one large building), so I double-timed it to where I thought they were.
As I got close to the first bathroom, all shit broke loose (literally!!). I was still outside about 10-15′ from the bathroom door and I had this stuff running down my leg onto the sidewalk. I ducked into the first bathroom I came to and into the first stall. I pulled my shorts down and sat on the toilet. Talk about a mess. Crap was everywhere … on me, on the seat, on the floor, in my white (now brown) shorts, down my leg, on one sock and in one shoe. I could not call out to my wife since she had no clue to what was happening and this was years before cell phones. I was very afraid someone would walk in on me.
But, I did what I had to do. I took my shorts and underwear off, used the seat covers to clean the seat and me up, flushed the toilet over and over again, used the clean water to rinse out my shorts, underwear, and sock. This took quite a few minutes but I got it done. But I was still wet. I had to get paper towels to wipe and dry myself off. So, naked as I was, I ventured out of the stall and to the sinks (which are right by the door) to get a bunch of paper towels. That is when I noticed I was in the women’s bathroom!
Now I really panicked. What if a female walked in on me either when I was in the stall, coming out of it, or standing there getting paper towels? I hurried back into the stall, dried myself off, made sure I was clean (as could be under the circumstances), and got dressed. My shorts were obviously wet still, as were my underwear. But, I had to go back to class and act like nothing had happened.
By the time I returned, class was over and all of my students except one had left. She was an older lady who stayed to talk to my wife and make sure I was okay. For any of us who have had accidents in public, it is amazing how resilient we are when we have to be. I tried to stand behind my wife as I spoke and shortly, the lady left. I then proceeded to tell my wife what I had just been through. She thought something might’ve happened when I did not come right back but she did not know for sure.
Oh yeah, as I was in the stall cleaning myself up, two guys walked by (who I think were janitors, but not sure either), and one proclaimed, “Man, someone really took a shit out here didn’t they?”
I was lucky and thankful no one walked in on me. How do you explain that?
The next day, I went for my colonoscopy and informed the doctor what had happened the previous night. His only response was that I should’ve been told to stay home.
No sheet Sherlock!
Submitted by “Mike S” in the Colitis Venting Area
