I am from Michigan and have been diagnosed with UC since 1993. I’m 43 years old and my hobbies include boating (Lake Michigan), golfing, scuba diving, biking/hiking, camping, exercising and photography.
Urgency to go to the bathroom four to six times a day. Pain in left side. Cramping. Achiness after going to the bathroom. Gas and bloating. No blood since I am in “remission” according to the Doctors. Yeah, right….. I sure don’t classify this as “in remission”.
High anxiety/panic attacks.
I feel UC has held me back in many ways.
I do have a hard time dealing with it. The worst part for me is all the anxiety/panic attacks I get when I am placed in situations as to where I feel I cannot get away quick enough to head to the bathroom. Put me on a plane or bus and it is shear terror for me. In fact, I feel this way most of the time just by leaving the house. I do take Amodium and even put on Depends undergarments (embarrassing to say that), and it only helps a little in the mental department.
The hardest part of this disease is my phobia of becoming “sick” in front of others. It seems that I cannot shake this feeling and I am getting further and further depressed about it. My wife helps, but I admit that I hide it a lot when I am in pain and feel that I am in the middle of an “episode”. Call me crazy, but I have a very strong feeling of not letting my pain affect others.
Why should my pain be a burden onto others?
Maybe that is why I get those panic attacks knowing that I could embarrass or make others feel uncomfortable if I am thrown into one of my episodes.
As you can see from my Bio, I am an active person….but with a price. Everything that I do, I have a panic attack either before or during an activity. How can someone fully enjoy life and enjoy these activities when you live like this? How can I take away the full enjoyment that my wife deserves in my condition and my mental state? I am ALWAYS….and I mean ALWAYS thinking about my condition and when and where it will hit. A simple walk outside turns into a mental struggle for me.
Most of the time, I feel that I am in a deep dark place that one can never get out.
I am currently taking the following medications: three 3mg pills of Entocort, three 50mg of Imuran, four 1.2g pills of Lialda, one 1000mg pill Canasa, one pill of Lomotil, one to two pills of Hyomax-FT and Amodium as needed.
I wish I could tell you that this combination of pills work. They may keep a huge flareup from presenting itself, but I still have the urgency / bloating / gas and slight pain that comes with UC. It seems the only difference that I am having now when compared to a full blown flareup is slightly less frequency of going to the bathroom (average 4 to 5 times a day…..mainly in the morning), gut does not hurt as much (but still does at a lesser degree) and no blood in the stool.
Sometimes I wonder if these pills do give me some the symptoms of UC, but helps keep it from going full blown. I just want these pills to make me feel close to being normal again, but they don’t.
Also, is there some pills to help with the anxiety and panic attacks without side effects? :o) Yeah…just what I need….more pills. :o)
written by James
submitted in the Colitis Venting Area
I am from Michigan and have been diagnosed with UC since 1993. I’m 43 years old and my hobbies include boating (Lake Michigan), golfing, scuba diving, biking/hiking, camping, excersing and photography.