My name is Katryna and I’m a 32 yr old single mother of two from Brighton, UK I was diagnosed in 2005 with Pancolitos. I typically flare at least twice a year.
I look around my tip of a house and realise I can’t go on like this for much longer. The dishes are piled high in the kitchen. There’s a basket of laundry that needs folding. My children’s bedroom is a mess. My bedroom floor has become my wardrobe. I am not fulfilling my role. Partly through not being able to physically, as I’m exhausted and partly because I am mentally and emotionally drained. It’s like a vicious circle. I know I need to do these jobs, the fear of discomfort stops me from doing anything. I get despondent. Nothing gets done.
So here I am, running to the toilet for the seventh time today, not seeing any blood but knowing it’s only a matter of time. Knowing that I will not take steroids ever again as I can’t put my family or myself through that again, but also knowing that if don’t I’ll end up in hospital again on steroids anyway and possibly with an emergency surgery.
I pray that I “get away with it” this time. That this is just a blip. I’m seeing my GI at the end of June – if I make it that long. He will be letting me know the outcome of a meeting he had with the surgical team about my case, as I discussed the possibility of an elective colectomy at my last appointment. I left that appointment wondering if I had been too hasty, if I should continue down the medical route – better the devil you know and all that. As I sit on the toilet writing this on the iPad I come to the conclusion that I may have reached the end of the road. Perhaps it’s time to let go, give in to the inevitable, have it out and be done with it.