Yep – back in a flare again. I really am struggling to determine what caused this flare. In the past my flares have been stress-induced. But I’m really not under any stress right now. Really, apart from this flare – life is good.
I’m in Belgium again for the winter, where I’m supposed to be racing my cyclo-cross bike. Well, the racing is on hold now. There is no way I can race through a flare. (I tried it earlier in the summer and it just didn’t work.) It is hard to be here right now and not be able to race or even ride. Honestly I’m starting to lose my zest for bike racing – it is so hard to race my body and the other competitors…
This flare so far is definitely my worst flare ever. In the past I’ve still wanted to eat and have been able to get through my days fairly normally. Not this time. I really have no desire to eat – everything I eat feels like it is ripping through me. Even drinking water or rice milk is causing me to feel very uncomfortable. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, I’ve even had two “accidents” – one here at home and one when I was out running an errand. So frustrating and disappointing.
I think this is where I am right now – disappointed. Disappointed in my body. I’ve been doing everything right and it just doesn’t seem to help. Some days it is tempting to just eat “junky” foods and do all the “wrong” things since eating healthy, staying stress-free and living a fairly clean life, don’t really seem to make a difference with this disease.
Luckily here I’ve been able to track down VSL #3. This is the probiotic that is supposed to help those of us with ulcerative colitis. Has anyone tried this probiotic? Thoughts on it?
So this is where I’m at. I really am just wiped out by this disease. My gut is in knots. I’m going to the bathroom up to 40 times a day. I have terrible headaches. I really just want this all to go away.