New to Colitis – My Mind Can’t Stop Spinning in What If’s

Introduction:
My name is Paula. I am the mother of two beautiful children. I live in Virginia. I am 35 years old. I am currently working on my Wellness Practitioner degree focusing on nutrition. My husband and I own a mosaic tile art business.

New to Ulcerative Colitis:

I have always turned to nutritional supplements, herbs, and healthy food in times of healing. So when I was diagnosed with UC, you can imagine what I must of felt with all these pharmaceutical pills I had to take. I was diagnosed with IBS about a year ago. At the time, the gastroentrologist said that I may have some slight inflammation in my transverse colon but he wasn’t sure if this was from the laxative I had to drink to prep for the colonoscopy.

I was under some major stress last spring. I seriously think I may of had a slight mental breakdown. So I wonder if this caused a flare up?? I am new to UC, so I am really not sure.

I started to have bloody stools that just got worse.

It got to the point where I was rushing my family out of the bathroom so I could get in and go. The first week in December 2011, I started to develp naseau along with a fever. I went to my family doctor and she said it was my IBS and just take ImmodiumD. Later on that evening after I left the doctors office, my fever shot up to 106.

It sucked, because no one really believed I was sick.

I finally said to just call an ambulance if no one could give me a ride. So people took me seriously.

I went to the hospital and next thing I know I am taking a poop in front of all sorts of people on my own little toilet which I would be using for the next week in the hospital. They gave me two IVs in each hand and sent me in for a Cat scan for my stomach and a chest X-ray. I was really scared. I kept asking the doctors if I would be ok and no one would really comfort me. They would just say “Well at least we got the antibiotics going in you system now”.

It was the first time I have been sick

and not had reassurance that I was going to be ok.

They did stool samples and said they tested me for tons and tons of different things, but couldn’t figure it out. The gastroentrologist came in the next day and said my stomach was too inflamed for a colonoscopy so I had to wait. They suspected at this point I may have colitis. Everything was a big blur though. They were pumping me full of steroids and giving me morphine. At one point I woke up with some nurse yelling at me. I was scared because I didn’t know who she was or why I was there. She said she was going to get me evaluated and I begged for her to call every neurologist in because I was very scared. She ended up getting in trouble for scaring me, apologized and was told to leave her shift. It took me a few minutes, but I was able to remember why I was there. That was so terrifying for me to not know where I was. The doctors said it was the steroids and other meds and that there was no need for concern. I am still shaken up by that though.

My potassium levels were dropping extremely low, so I was given potassium. Then I needed a blood transfusion. I was put in ICU. Just writing this sends tears to my eyes because I was really afraid for my life.

After a really rough night, I woke up and had my colonoscopy. The gastroentologist I had said some really pervy things about me. He didn’t know I wasn’t sedated. The ansteologist (sp?) said Dr. she is not sedated and is fully awake. Next thing I know I can see my bottom on this big screen and I looked at the anastealogist and begged her to put me under because I did not want to see or hear what was going on during the colonoscopy. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. I have pancolitis which if you don’t already know means affects the whole colon instead of just the left side.

After the blood transfusion, iron, and potassium, I started to feel a little better. After a blurry week at the hospital, the gastroenterologist came in very early in the morning and told me I needed to go home. Kinda creepy. I had another doctor there that was caring for me who I really liked. She came in a released me after my week long stay.

So I have been home since Dec. 9th 2011. I decided to meet with a Naturopathic Doctor to try and find a way to heal my colitis without all of the prescription meds. She is very confident that I will be able to come off of the meds and just use nutritional supplements, healthy diet, and relaxation techniques. It has been a couple weeks since I have seen her and I have been feeling better.

However, I just finished my prednisone. I was tapered off slowly by my doctors. They want me to go on Remicade in the next 4 weeks or so. Now that I am off of my prednisone, I am having a fever and my stools are not formed. I am having a lot of cramping and back pain.

I am really worried.

I do not want to take Remicade!!!!

I am also switching from the pervy gastroenterologist

to a new one,

so I am not sure what they are going to suggest.

I don’t really want to get out of bed and I have only left the house maybe 3 times since I got home from the hospital. My husband is becoming irritated with me, because he is overwhelmed at all of the new responsibilities he has taken on.

I am scared about so many things. About the complications that come with UC. Colon Cancer scares me. And I am sorry for bringing that up, because I don’t want to upset any of you dealing with this. I am just new to this and don’t really understand UC completely.

Being a Natrual Health Care Practitioner, I am really upset about the possibility of being on meds for life. I am frustrated because I live about an hour outside of the city and there are certain foods I need I just can’t find here.

My mind can’t stop spinning in what if’s.

I am grateful that it is me that has this and not a loved one. I would be worried sick about them more so than myself. I think my main worry at this point is lack of knowledge about what UC is all about. I have just been one to avoid Dr’s and take natural medicine for so long. Now my life seems full of Dr. appointments and calls to the ER to make sure I am ok.

I am venting. I am doing my best not to feel sorry for myself. There could be so many other things that are way worse than this I could be dealing with. I am grateful for my life. I feel blessed for my beautiful family! I am just scared and a little pissed right now. So please forgive me if I come across as negative. I just had to get it out and I thought this would be the right place to do it.
Thanks for listening!! I am hoping this website will help me to find a little inner peace.