Lost

Hi, I am Pernita from India, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis about three years back. I am a mother of two young kids.  I was on wysalone tablets 60 mg for two years , whenever i was told to taper it off my condition became worse. i think my system started depending on it a lot. my doc wanted to put me on azoran but my hemoglobin fell to 4 and had to go for transfusion . It raised to 7 and finally with amway folic subsitutes I tried to raise it to 11 . finaly 5 months back it raised and i was put on azoran. but as told by the doctor that it will react in 3 months approximately… I waited . But nothing happened.  I developed fissures as was taking enemas too. every thing became painful. Was on 25 mg wysalone , 1500 mg rowasa three times a day (4500) , three azaron, codine sulfate three times a day, twice enema and my system gave up.  Had no energy left to face the day. Blood was spurting out on every trip to loo. the pain was unbearable. was even getting cluster head aches ev ery two three days. Then worst came my skin started getting boils. they were full of mucus and left deep holes all over my waist line. As i was trying to treat one the other came up next day. that was where i became totaly fed up. in us hindus we are told . God gives you that much pain which you can bear. i started crying looking at myself in mirror and trying to tell the al mighty above that he made mistake in ng to bear all.judging me. am not that strong enough. Went to my doc and told him that am going off arozan and tapering off most of the drugs as they are nt working. he told me to continue with rowasa . So finally I am off from most of drugs with all the pain and flare up still there and now am lost where to go from here. Can’t give up as my kids are my only hope to hang on to my life.