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Hilarious Hijinx of a UC Girl

Teanna fullIntro:

My name’s Teanna, I’m a 23 year old female and I was diagnosed with UC ten years at the lovely, vulnerable age of 13. I posted my story on here about a year ago, but I thought it was time to give and update and share some of the tough, wonderful, and hilarious things I’ve been through over the last year.

Some more about me:

I’m from Alberta, Canada where we’ve had some lovely above 0˚C weather, a rare phenomenon for January.. but I suspect the -40˚C is on its way.. I play rugby and am graduating university in April where I’ll finally be a Registered Nurse! I’m pretty easygoing and very open about my UC (as you will soon see with some of my stories…), which I suspect 10 years will do to you!

Symptoms:

Currently I’m nearing (fingers crossed), the end of a 15 month flare, and I’ve got 1-3 BM’s/day, semi-formed, no blood.. pretty awesome! Though it seems insistent that, even if I only have 1 BM in 24 hours it will inevitably happen in the middle of the night! I maybe sleep through the night once/week. But I’m not complaining if that’s the only time I’m going to go!

Hilarious Hijinx of a UC Girl

Quick background: Diagnosed at 13 after 3 months of trying to hide the fact that I was filling a toilet bowl full of blood 20x/day because I was mortified. Finally went to the hospital with pretty bad anemia and awful joint pain.

Maintained on Salofalk for about 7 years. Went into a flare up my first year of nursing and still not sure how I got through it.. had to where a Depends every day and carry at least 2 extra because I had such urgency (okay let’s be honest about the word urgency here… when you’ve got less than 10 seconds I think the term is ‘incontinence’). Got out of that flare after about a year (prednisone infusions, oral prednisone, Imuran… close to Remicade but ended up not having to!!). Then about a year and a half of feeling good, and back into a flare in November 2012, which I’m just getting out of (again prednisone infusions, oral prednisone, Imuran… close to Remicade but ended up not having to!!).

Both my last flares were from me going off of medication (did I mention my Doctor’s love me?!) and trying alternative routes (Jini Patel’s elemental diet, SCD, homeopathy, acupuncture, reiki, craniosacral,, EVOO, probiotics… I could go on but you get the idea!).

However in the course of all of this, I have some hilarious (maybe not at the time, but definitely looking back) stories of the ridiculous situations UC gets me into:

The time I pooped in a box: I was just parking and getting ready to walk the 2 blocks to the hospital for my nursing clinical when had to go to the bathroom. I quickly assessed my surrounding: Esso across the street, could be there in two minutes. Definitely too far away. But I wasn’t wearing a diaper as my flare was getting under control and I thought I’d be good (always be prepared!). Then I noticed a box in my backseat which contained a Christmas present I had just received. I grabbed it, dumped it out, undid my pants, sat on it, and did my thing… in a parked car on the side of the road! Luckily I had some napkins and hand sanitizer so I cleaned up and nonchalantly put the lid on and stuck the box in my trunk with plans to throw it out when I got home. But I ended up keeping it in there (gross I know, could I splurge for something I could clean out?!) and have needed it again. But don’t worry, Canadian winters mean it’s constantly frozen!

The time I pooped on the floor: Now this is a story for anyone who thinks UC is going to stop them from finding true love. I’m here to tell you that when you find a good guy/girl they will stick with you through it all and be there to comfort, console, and laugh at you at all the right times…

With my flare I hadn’t had alcohol in about 10 months (very smart!). But then I went through quite a tough time, where the University rugby team I had played on for 4 years, and was the captain of, made it to nationals and I couldn’t go (when I was in the hospital for my UC I ended up getting DVT in my arm and couldn’t play contact sports.. what are the chances?!). So to drown my sorrows I thought I’d have a few drinks. Well I had a lot of drinks. And when I got home from the bar with my boyfriend, who I live with, we went to bed. He woke up a few hours later and I was nowhere to be found… so he went exploring and found me standing in our front entrance way… and yes, I had pooped on the floor. My boyfriend said “Please tell me that’s Nutella!” Why, of all places, I had gone there (and not, say, into the bathroom..) I will never know. BUT my amazing boyfriend got me into the shower and cleaned me up (I was a mess), and then brought me bac k to bed. Where, surprise, I had also pooped. So he put the sheets in the washing machine and then put me to bed! I found out about a week later I had C diff, so my advice to everyone is C diff+UC flare+excessive alcohol=consequences

The time I pooped in a men’s room: This just happened to me yesterday actually. I had my last nursing exam of university and had been feeling really good for about 4 weeks. Wouldn’t you know my body would choose this time to decide to feel sick again (for about 3 hours… just the length of the exam of course..). I went to the bathroom before I left the house. Then once when I arrived. Then I had to again. But by this time everyone had started arriving for the exam. And if you’ve ever been in a hospital about 95% of nurses are female, so of course the line up was out the door. I had to make a quick decision: push my way through all of them with apologies (they’re nurses, they’d understand. But I still wasn’t sure I could make it since both the stalls would be occupied I’d still have to wait), use the men’s room, or go in my pants. I’ve gone in my pants enough times to say it was an easy decision! I just prayed no one would be using the urinal (and they weren’t!), though someone was in the only other stall! I just hoped they wouldn’t notice my girly shoes.. When I was done (and made sure the washroom was empty), I washed my hands and calmly exited into a hall filled with 100 students…

The time I pooped in someone’s yard: I was out for a jog, finally relishing in the fact that I could leave my house and not have to stress about where a washroom is! So naive.. My stomach started to get upset and, though it wasn’t as urgent as it used to be, I definitely couldn’t make it the ten minutes to my house. So I did a quick scan and saw a yard, with a fence all along one side. I waited until there were no cars and darted into the yard. I squatted behind a tree, right in front of there window, hoping beyond hope no one was home and no one would see me! I felt so bad, and tried to cover it up with some mulch.. I wiped with a leaf and waited about 5 minutes until I was sure the coast was clear (I couldn’t see cars/people on the other side of the fence!) and darted out of there!

Other places I’ve pooped: On the legislature grounds, in the dog park, on the side of the road, in a lake (I actually trailed behind a boat once so it would get washed away at the same time.. always nice to have an accomodating family!)

I hope these stories have brightened your day! Some of my stories are less funny, as there are about 100 others where I didn’t find a box/floor/men’s room, and pooping your pants on a bus/lrt/in class/walking/in your own home because apparently 10 feet to the bathroom is too far, is not as fun as it sounds. And cleaning yourself up in a public washroom is messy business! But you get through it, and if you’re lucky you get through it with a smile on your face and good friends/family beside you.

Thanks for this site Adam, the advice, encouragement, and simple realization that you’re not alone, is an amazing inspiration.

written by Teanna

Adam Scheuer founder of iHaveUC.com

Adam Scheuer
founder of iHaveUC.com

Ask Adam:

How do I post a picture with my story?

Hey Teanna…yes indeed…you for sure figured out how to post your picture, but thought I’d include your question for others who might be wondering the same thing.  So…whenever someone fills out the story submittal form, you should get a notification saying THANKS, and also instructions on how to include your picture.  All you need to do (and great job again for figuring it out) is email me a picture of yourself afterwards to the email provided and I’ll include it in the story.

Best to you for getting the 15 month flare figured out!!!! WAY TO GO GIRL!




16 Responses to Hilarious Hijinx of a UC Girl

  1. Manon February 7, 2014 at 5:39 pm #

    Okay, i guess we can all relate to your story, at least partly. I have also dealt with… urgencies… and I was sooo mortified I could hardly tell my loving, caring husband. You have a great sense of humor, not everyone is that open about their symptoms (and this is silly when you think it’s ”only” a manifestation of our disease, just as diabetics can show hyperglycemia symptoms and somehow it is more ”acceptable” (and of course less odorant lol) -but, really we should not be ashamed) I am sure your story will help many UCers and make them feel like they are not alone. So, thanks and good luck, Teanna !

    • Teanna
      Teanna February 8, 2014 at 4:14 pm #

      Thanks Manon! It was definitely hard to start sharing everything with my boyfriend, but eventually it gets stressful trying to hide everything. Now if I have an accident and he asks how I am when I get home I just say “shower” and head straight to the bathroom to clean up, and he knows what’s going on! He even got my ‘box’ out of the trunk the other night when we were stopped at a light because I wasn’t feeling well and wanted it there just in case (didn’t need it though!). And I agree with your diabetic statement, it’s absolutely true. I have to remind myself of that all the time-it’s not my fault, I can’t control this (in the moment). Sometimes that’s my mantra when I’m in public and not feeling well, it helps!

  2. joannabanana21 February 7, 2014 at 6:58 pm #

    congrats on almost becoming a nurse!! since you have been in the hospital, i’m sure that gives you a better idea on how to treat patients. i’ve had some crappy nurses who showed no compassion towards me and my disease. it’s like i feel terrible enough already and you’re purposefully making me feel worse.

    i hope you continue to feel well and don’t have any more close calls!!

    • Teanna
      Teanna February 8, 2014 at 12:02 am #

      Absolutely, that’s one of the reasons I wanted to become a nurse actually. I’ve had some great ones and some terrible ones, and their attitude can really help you get through some of the toughest times of your life. So hopefully I can help my patients feel just a little better!

  3. Carol February 7, 2014 at 7:45 pm #

    I admire your openness. UCers give the phrase close call a new meaning. It becomes simply “calls”. Thanks for helping me to learn that humor does help.

  4. alex February 7, 2014 at 7:59 pm #

    Yes. Yes. Yes. Uh-huh. And yes.
    I hear you.
    Thanks for telling it just like it is!

  5. Tim B
    Tim February 7, 2014 at 8:19 pm #

    Thank you for posting. You had me rolling laughing at this as I have definitely been there. It doesn’t take messing in your pants too many times before you start losing all shame when it comes to where you will go. Congrats on becoming a nurse!

    • Teanna
      Teanna February 8, 2014 at 12:03 am #

      Thanks! Glad I could make you laugh, can’t imagine what living with this would be like if we couldn’t laugh at it every now and again.

  6. fatima February 8, 2014 at 3:30 am #

    Congrats on becoming a nurse . Thanks for this post it makes me feel good because l’m sure my dauter can control her uc like you do

    • Teanna
      Teanna February 8, 2014 at 4:17 pm #

      Thanks, and all the best to your daughter. Sounds like she already has a very supportive parent, and a good support system is so important as we go through our illness and work towards health!

  7. Rosanne
    Rosanne February 8, 2014 at 7:43 pm #

    Congrats on your graduation! You have had many trials but those will make you the compassionate nurse we all need.

    Your ‘stories’ are amazing! I know there is a book in you ! What a great motivational piece it would be! Motivational speakers make great $$$!

    UC has been my close companion for 32 years…your take on it will help me to take the downs a bit lighter.

    Good luck and continued health to you.

  8. Allison-3
    Allison February 13, 2014 at 4:44 am #

    This post cracked me up this morning! I think we all have our ‘in the trenches poop stories’. I chuckle when people declare “how they NEVER use public toilets”. Oh- the places I’ve gone…. it would make their heads explode! Thank you for being so candid… I truly believe that cultivating a sense of humor is mandatory for getting through UC.
    With all that said, congrats on feeling great and becoming a nurse. You are an inspiration to us all!
    All the best-
    Allison

  9. slingshot February 13, 2014 at 11:24 am #

    You nailed it with the “boat.. and … get washed away” haha :)

    I have had a similar experience although it involved me doing watersport at the same time. I am a big fan of kitesurfing, so I was on vacation in Brazil. Then we wanted to go to the “Lagoon” that means a 2h kite downwind until we hit the lagoon. By the time we were down there I had to go, really. So I had my kite in the air, board on my feets. Only option was to pull down the pants and do it in the water while kitesurfing. Luckily I was a bit upwind and the other people continued downwind. :)

    An other experience I had was after sitting on a crowded train for 2h, the toilet was of course broken. So as soon as I got to my exit I had to be quick home but, I just made it to a garden across the street from the railwaystation. Where I found a bush to make a quick one.

    Public toilets in Asia is not nearly as comfortable as in the “western” parts of the world. I can share a public bathroom story as well, we stopped at a P/toilet rest along the highway. Unfortunately it was around 6am and the toilet was closed. So I had to do it somewhere, best spot was the urine-oar so I just made it there. The problem is as I am looking for some way to clean my mess up there is a family entering the toilet. The poor family turns in the door when they smell the odor and see me standing the wrong way by the urine-oar..

    • Teanna
      Teanna February 19, 2014 at 10:51 am #

      Haha those are some great stories, thanks for sharing! Definitely made me laugh. Love hearing other people stories, especially when they’re similar to mine so I know other people go through it too!!

  10. Jodi MacLaughlin February 19, 2014 at 5:08 pm #

    Teanna Thanks so much for sharing your stories, I need that today, I’m going through a very bad flare at the moment myself. After feeling amazing for 6 months :(.. It reminds me that I’m not on this crazy ride a lone, even though a lot of the times it feels like you are.

    I’m very open about my UC as well, I tend to make people laugh with my poop stories or my made dashes to the washroom lol so I will share a couple:

    So my flare up of winter of last year (I’m starting to blame winter on my flares j/K) I started a new job, had been there for about three weeks, driving to work in traffic the pain came.. omg I start freaking out a bit, there is no way I’m going to make it to the washroom, I can’t get out in rush hour traffic.. so it happen, in my pants I went… I pulled in to the parking garage, totally mortified, I couldn’t call in sick, as I had the day before.. I always carry extra pants and undies… so as I cleaned up changed in the parking garage, hoping that no one was watching. Threw my clothes in the garbage.. To make light of the situation I told my best friend, and she does what she does best and laughed and laughed and laughed… I know it sounds mean but I was crying in stitches by the end of the convo… I love her for never making me feel dumb and understanding…

    Then there was the time driving home on the hwy, I knew I was going to make it home, my boyfriend was driving, he was on the phone at the time… I started saying tell him you’ll call him back.. he was ignoring me until I was more persistent… “Tell him you will call him back”, I’m going to crap my pants.. PULLOVER… So in the middle of winter as I crapped on the side of the road, I did feel that omg sign of relief…

    For some reason me and malls don’t mix and certian stores make me have to go… So I have had many mall/department store dashes to the bathroom and a couple I have not made my dash… I always prey I won’t see anyone I know, because we can’t talk.. I’m on a one track mind…

    Those are some of my stories, always nice to know your not alone.

  11. Jodi MacLaughlin February 19, 2014 at 5:18 pm #

    Thought this was a funny video as well

    http://www.toilette-humor.com/funny_toilet_humor/how_to_poop_at_work.shtml#.UwEnFf9oX5K.facebook

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