To be honest I don’t even know how I am writing this because I am so weak and sick. Ive been sick now for a while unfortunately beyond the help of drugs,alternative medicines and diet I have even tried silver water. Nothing works! I don’t know how I came to this when I was going so well.It’s like taking 1 step forward and 20 steps back. I’m sick, disorientated, possibly anaemic at this point seeing as im losing twice the amount of blood and I havnt eaten in the last few days because it is just not worth the pain and misery.
I just started back to work two weeks ago after proving how much better I was and then this happens so now Im back to square one with no job again while I sob my heart out on the toilet and cry out in pain trying not to vomit. I cannot see my GI doctor until the 19th but I dont think I can last that long. I tried bringing the appointment further but there are too many people waiting. I just have this horrible feeling by next week Il be back in hospital on god knows what bawling my eyes out because Im completely lost as to what to do. Did I mention it’s my birthday the 30th of May? so AGAIN i will probably be in hospital celebrating my 25th with a feeding tube and iv steroids.
It’s finally getting to me just how much it has affected my life over the past four years and what it has prevented me from doing and preventing me from doing. I cant even joke about it at all its just not funny! So far since I have wrote this I have gone five times and since Im surviving on just water its pure brown liquid with ALOT of blood and mucus. Wow! appealing! And just before I wrote it i had a dreaded accident where i just didnt make it on time. It’s just humiliating! Sorry about the rant but this is the only place I can rant that people know exactly what I’m going through. I rant all day to my friends and family but they dont understand the pain and misery along with it. :( What do I do? Help me! :'(
