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A Pile of Dirty Dishes

Katryna from the UKBio:

My name is Katryna and I’m a 32 yr old single mother of two from Brighton, UK I was diagnosed in 2005 with Pancolitos. I typically flare at least twice a year.

My Symptoms:

Frequent diarrhea, urgency, AWFUL joint pain, extreme fatigue, loss of appetite.

My Story:

I find myself on the brink of yet another flare. For the past month the signs have been steadily building, starting with the crippling joint pain. In the past my joint pain was restricted to my left hip and wrist. This time every bone in my body seems to screaming in agony particularly in my hands. Perhaps it’s because we’ve had so much rain. Perhaps it’s because I’m getting old. Perhaps it’s because the UC is getting worse.Two months ago I started bleeding. I was put on Prenislone. After two days I felt amazing. Bleeding gone. Diarrhea halted. Urgency abated. Appetite back. A week later, I’m in a place I’ve never been. I can’t stand to be around anybody. I am disconnected from my children. I’m having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. I have steroid induced psychosis. I immediately stop taking the roids, my Dr advises this over weaning as I hadn’t been on them that long. The withdrawal is horrific. I have gained 28lbs in 3 weeks, I am constantly lightheaded, nauseous, depressed, and frightened. It took me a month and a half to recover. A week later, the joint pain started….

I look around my tip of a house and realise I can’t go on like this for much longer. The dishes are piled high in the kitchen. There’s a basket of laundry that needs folding. My children’s bedroom is a mess. My bedroom floor has become my wardrobe. I am not fulfilling my role. Partly through not being able to physically, as I’m exhausted and partly because I am mentally and emotionally drained. It’s like a vicious circle. I know I need to do these jobs, the fear of discomfort stops me from doing anything. I get despondent. Nothing gets done.

So here I am, running to the toilet for the seventh time today, not seeing any blood but knowing it’s only a matter of time. Knowing that I will not take steroids ever again as I can’t put my family or myself through that again, but also knowing that if don’t I’ll end up in hospital again on steroids anyway and possibly with an emergency surgery.

I pray that I “get away with it” this time. That this is just a blip. I’m seeing my GI at the end of June – if I make it that long. He will be letting me know the outcome of a meeting he had with the surgical team about my case, as I discussed the possibility of an elective colectomy at my last appointment. I left that appointment wondering if I had been too hasty, if I should continue down the medical route – better the devil you know and all that. As I sit on the toilet writing this on the iPad I come to the conclusion that I may have reached the end of the road. Perhaps it’s time to let go, give in to the inevitable, have it out and be done with it.

Where I’d Like to be in 1 Year:
A year from now I’d love to be deciding weather or not to have the reversal from Ostomy to Jpouch. I would love to be living in a clean house once again – dishes, laundry and bedrooms taken care of!

written by Katryna

submitted in the Colitis Venting Area

Tags: psychosis





10 Responses to “A Pile of Dirty Dishes”

  1. Sheila GresehoverMay 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm #

    Hey Katryna,
    Just wanted to say I read your story and relate with a lot of it. You are not alone and somehow you will get that clean house again. I know the feeling of just wanting to wash your own floor and not feeling like you have the strength to do it. Being well is so much better! Hang in there and good luck with your decisions. I hope you make it to the end of June too. IBD sucks. Take care, Sheila

  2. Katryna
    KatrynaMay 29, 2012 at 12:20 am #

    Thanks so much Sheila. I can’t even think about the floors that need washing!!!!

  3. JeanineMay 29, 2012 at 5:30 am #

    Hi Katryna,

    I had a similar story to your’s …dx in 2010 and after 2 straight years of being sick including joint pain, extreme fatigue, unable to work and horrible side effects from prednisone, I did have the elective surgery.

    The surgery recovery was not easy. I was back in the hospital 3x…however, I am still so happy I had the surgery. At least my life is healthy now and I can make future plans. Before, I was just trying to survive. I too had an 18m old daughter when I got sick and I missed a lot in 2 years. But I am making up for lost time.

    If you have any questions or would like to talk to me, I’d be more than happy to help someone else end the struggle. Good luck and god bless.

  4. BevMay 29, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

    Hi Katryna!

    What a fab writer you are! You should think about doing it for a living…lol!

    I had the same terrible reaction to steroids and will NEVER take them again. Weaning off them is hell…I was aloso so nauseated, and it felt like my skin was crawling. Horrible stuff. While I was on them, I was maen and nasty…not at all like myself.

    I know that when we are in a flare, everything does seem hopeless, and like it’s never going to end. Before doing anything drastic, I tell everybody to PLEASE try a good probiotic (talk to the person at the store and tell them that you have UC), and then take them for at least two to three months, so they have a chance to really work. Trust me, here. I never took probiotics in my life, until 4 months ago, and I am almost completely without symptoms, except for a bit of bleeding. It took some weeks before they really worked, and I’, glad I didn’t throw in the towel too early. Probiotics need some time to work…to repopulate our gut with good bacteria. I know, I know…nobody believes that they help…but they do! I have pancolitis as well, and have had it for 13 years, and thanks to probiotics, I am almost 100%! No kidding.

    Hang in there my friend! By the way…are you a Corry fan? I don’t ever miss it. It’s my favorite guilty pleasure, and we are lucky here in Canada to get it on out television!

    Cheers,
    Bev:)

  5. Pam ChappellMay 31, 2012 at 11:13 am #

    Bev, what probiotic do you take? thanks Pam

    • BevMay 31, 2012 at 2:28 pm #

      HI Pam!

      It is called CRITICAL CARE by REWNEWLIFE.

      I’m in Canada, so I don’t know if you can get that particular one anywhere in the world, however, all I did was go into the health and vitamin store, tell the clerk that I have UC, and they know what to recommend to you. I take one capsule per day, and it only costs me $40 per month! I will take it every day for the rest of my life!!

      Right now, I am in total remission!! No meds. I weaned off the asacol I was taking for the last 13 years.

      Cheers,
      Bev:)

    • BevMay 31, 2012 at 2:29 pm #

      Sorry for the misspell, Pam…it’s CRITICAL CARE by RENEWLIFE

  6. Wendy
    WendyMay 14, 2013 at 11:14 pm #

    Hi Katryna. It’s been a year since this was posted and I was wondering if you are out of remission, or got your surgery or are still suffering or what is going on? Are you better now? What did you decide to do?

    • Katryns Thomas-ShellApril 6, 2014 at 12:47 am #

      See comment below. I wrote it without realising I could reply!

  7. Katryns Thomas-ShellApril 6, 2014 at 12:46 am #

    Hi Wendy

    I am reading this two years later….

    I had a subtotal colectomy on the 25th April 2013. It has changed my life. I am living in a new home right now there are a pile of dirty dishes but that is because it is my Boyfriend’s (yes I have a boyfriend!) turn to unload and load the dishwasher! I have just been offered a job and in May I will be returning to full time work after 5 yrs of being unable to work due to UC. Having surgery was the best decision I have ever made.

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